20 Marriage Tips Everyone Needs to
Know
August 26, 2013
Below are 20 wise marriage tips from
a man that was recently divorced. You wouldn’t normally think that a divorced
man would give good advice on being a husband, but this man has been through
enough hardship to know what is worth fighting for:
MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE
HAD:
Obviously, I’m not a relationship
expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that
gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing
a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I
wish I would have had…
1) Never stop courting. Never stop
dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry
you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely
protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be
entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your
love.
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as
you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with
the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a
special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep
that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let
anyone or anything else enter there.
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and
OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were
when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are
today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday.
SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she
may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may
never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when
you were courting her.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus
only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs
you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love,
you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no
longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the
luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR
FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever
changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you
wanted or not.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your
own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make
you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that
your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get
frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something
inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel
those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what
it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this
woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood
wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal
yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you
ever were.
Allow your woman to JUST BE. When
she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and
let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important
and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit
is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out,
and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to
you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know
you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words
and emotion.
9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so
damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else
easier.
10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn
her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated
and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved
and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like
a queen.
11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only
your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes
to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat
her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY,
to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and
devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of
her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust
you fully.
13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be
afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to
make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not
supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so
good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take
time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to
go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come
back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you
get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have
kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself
after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to
have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to
acknowledge your mistakes.
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you
want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those
things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open
your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds…
Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as
well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask
around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the
full dimension of what love can be.
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The
stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool.
Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if
you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to
work towards.
18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money
is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when
teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on
the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history
hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is
like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS
FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS
CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need.
If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed,
there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will
always endure.
In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about
Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a
willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure
eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.
Marriage is life, and it will bring
ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love
each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one
brick at a time.
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